“A Different Kind of Family”

Jun 8

Written By Pastor Tobi Whiite

Third Sunday after Pentecost

June 9, 2024

Genesis 3:8-15

Mark 3:20-35

This past weekend, I had the privilege of hearing inspiring proclamation from Rev. Dr. Jeff Chu and the Nebraska Synod Bishop Scott Johnson at our synod assembly. The theme was “Cultivating Love,” and between the two of them, flanked by stories of amazing congregations and ministries across the synod, Love was definitely cultivated.

That doesn’t mean that everything we heard was an easy message. In fact, Bishop Scott reminded us of what we’ve been hearing year after year at assemblies and fall clergy gatherings—that numbers are down across the nation. Worship attendance, baptisms, and giving; volunteers, youth, and activity in general. We are not the church at the center of society any longer. We haven’t been for decades. And trying to get back to what once was is not only impossible; it’s not our mission.

We are not who we once were—and that is not bad news. There was a time when being a Christian was assumed. It wasn’t a matter of IF you went to church—just which church you went to. Which family did you belong to? Because we like to compare our churches to families. Who are your people? Where do you come from?

The idea of church as family is one born out of a deep love for those around us. It comes from a desire to cultivate warm welcome and a sense of belonging. But that’s not always been true of church. And it’s not really true of many—if not most—families.

I grew up with a sense that family takes care of each other. You show up. You open your doors. You make yourself available. You do what is necessary to protect and provide. But that wasn’t the reality. My aunt no longer talks to my mom. One uncle has been turned against mom, and the other tries to ride the middle between them all. And the prevailing comment among the whole family is, “Don’t tell.” Don’t tell your cousin about this. Don’t tell your sister I told you. Don’t tell mom about this potential diagnosis. Don’t tell grandpa about the bi-racial boyfriend or the out-of-wedlock child. Don’t tell.

Because as soon as you tell, you may not belong anymore. It will cause a rift. Keeping the peace means keeping secrets. Being family often means navigating feelings of shame and guilt. I don’t want a church that is like a family. I want a church that is better than family.

This is the challenge Jesus met with early in his ministry. As he gathers with his disciples, surrounded by a crowd, his family comes to take him away. It's not altogether clear whether it's because the family thinks he's lost his mind or because they’re afraid the authorities think that. But they come to get him so that they can keep him a secret. There is shame within these actions.

He responds by telling the messengers that his family is made up of the people who are doing the work of God alongside him. But in between these two encounters with family, we get the conversation between Jesus and the authorities who have come from Jerusalem to test him.

They accuse him of doing the work of demons, not the work of God. So, in true Jesus fashion, he gives them a puzzle. If a kingdom divided cannot stand, and if a household divided cannot remain, then how can the realm of Satan withstand division? What sense does it make for Satan to send him to cast out Satan’s own army? No, his power over the demons is because he has bound Satan. He is doing the work of God.

But he doesn’t stop there. Anyone, he says, who identifies the work of the Holy Spirit as evil and sinful has gone too far. He calls this the unforgiveable sin—to call Love ‘hate;’ to turn compassion into condemnation. Therefore, those who see the truth of God’s love, those who recognize it and claim it and are unashamed of its power and goodness—these are the ones who are Jesus’ true family. These are his brothers and sisters and mothers.

Because the church must be better than family. My family’s story isn’t unusual. In fact, as we close out an abbreviated weekend of the Star City Pride Festival, there are far too many stories about people being shunned from their family—and their church—because of who they are and who they love. Those they trusted are ashamed of them. They kept their true selves a secret out of fear of being cast out. They found themselves not belonging in the very space they should belong based simply on their existence.

As soon as humanity decided we knew the difference between good and evil, we hid ourselves from God out of shame and began blaming one another for everything that went wrong. And the cycle continues.

But Jesus came to break that cycle—to create a new kind of family, a new kind of relationship. One that lives in the light. No secrets. No shame. No blame. He showed us how to love each other without fear, without violence, without lies. He redefined family and love and acceptance and welcome. He gave us a church that is meant to be BETTER than family.

He gave us a church designed to fight prejudice, welcome difference, and embrace struggle. He gave us a church created in such a way that even our enemies belong and are loved. And as our world changes, as expectations and ideas and ways of being grow and transform, as relationships expand to global proportions and the consequences of our actions reach farther than ever before, as the church quite literally finds ourselves on the margins of society rather than at its center, we have the opportunity to be different than we’ve ever been before.

We don’t need to rally around heritage and tradition as if they are talismans against death; we don’t need to cling to purity and punishment as ways of maintaining the sacred; we don’t need to seek out the comfortable and familiar as if it will recreate the church of the past. We have the privilege and duty to step beyond ourselves and our history to be the church that Jesus envisioned—one that is infinitely better than family, especially families who live in the shadows of shame, guilt, and blame.

So, this weekend, may I offer a blessing to you all—and especially to those for whom family has become a hurtful concept.

A Litany for Pride by Rev. Sam Lundquist